A Little Bit About Me
Nothing in my life has been a consistent habit, blogging included. For the longest time I just firmly believed I am not interesting enough to warrant writing. I'd rather not write about myself because I'm not very interesting, I'd rather not write about opinions because someone else has already given it, I don't want to even leave a comment on anything because I'd having nothing to add. This has just been my default way of thinking, I do not want to make myself known or take up space.
It's this combined with my inability to maintain a consistent habit, no matter how positive it is or how badly I want to do it. It's been the drawing, it's been the exercise, playing an instrument, going to poetry classes, playing video games I am interested in- never in my life have I been able to consistently enjoy my life. I do not know why, I don't know why! Because if I'm not engaging in my hobbies, what am I doing? Oh you know, just kind of, laying there. I do lay in bed a lot.
I suppose this is me sort of "venting" but I'm not really saying any of this with a heartbreaking frustration. Like, I've lived with myself for a while, I know how I am, and I do believe I am making progress in building the kind of life I'd like for myself. Progress has been slow but it's happening, I'm not here to beat myself up about it. I'd like to think I'm mature enough to treat myself with respect, I'm not in the business of suffering. I've finally got a nice, approachable template to this blog, it all works like it should, so I figured that it would be nice to actually blog.
Attempting to Find a Reason to Write
I haven't kept up with journaling on a physical journal as much as I would like, but even when I did it felt sort of limiting. I have a Hobonichi Techo that's, insanely charming and I love it, I love the quality of it, but I do have just about 1 page to write. Which is plenty a lot of the time, if I'm just getting some self-reflection in or recounting my day, but I think I'd also like to have another venue to just kind of think outloud and post opinions or whatever I'd like to write about. I watched a video about non-fiction writing and it dawned on me how much writing, any kind of writing, can be a positive way to build up your own voice. Non-fiction writing especially, I think I lean towards writing non-fiction since that feels like a more earnest way for me to self-express.
I've tried to dip my toe into writing some fiction stories but, I think due to a lot of what I mentioned earlier, I feel like my voice doesn't have a place in it. I know it's probably a matter of breaking past that mindset and just earnestly puting in some practice but uhhh, I have no buts. That's just what it is, I just haven't done it. But I really rock with non-fiction pieces, I love love love This American Life, I find those kinds of pieces about how people live, stories around a theme, that rules.
A piece of advice I've seen regarding drawing and getting yourself to draw more is to attempt to always draw any chance you get, even if it's just on a post it note. If you lock yourself into the mindset that drawing is an activity that must be done under perfect conditions, you'll never find the perfect conditions and you'll stop yourself before you start. So "de-mystifying it" and allowing yourself to draw wherever you can can help you simply get more practice in, because ultimately drawing is all about practice. I need to apply this mindset to a lot of aspects in my life, I think part of my stopping-before-starting problem is that I'm waiting for some perfect conditions when I can just Do What I Want Forever.
Have Fun Forever
I'm relishing my place on this little Neocities blog. I'm no one, I'm W4AM that's me. You can call me W4AM because that's the name in my website! How cool, how fun. If you've read this far that's so awesome, did you like the way I write? Did you relate to any of this (I hope not!)? I hope you're having a good time too! Is your website looking cool? Do you also blog? I need to explore more websites on my end, people get so insanely creative with stuff here. I think having both an artistic vision and the actual programming experience to execute it rules. Me? Nahh I'll stick with the Zonelets template, I've made a few minor tweaks here and there through gritted teeth but I'm here to blog so I don't have much to add.
Otherwise, nothing else is coming to mind, I'll be playing Pikmin 2 soon, wish me luck! I'll try to write something again in less than 8 months.